Into the Microwave
by AlyssumRose
Summary: Melody is the Kakashi fangirl, Alyssa the Akatsuki wannabe and Tera the friend who went along with them. Somehow we opened a portal to Konoha, now watch as we ruin the plot and mind boggle all the characters. Konoha here we come, and it's not a genjutsu.
1. And the Adventure Begins

"I'm hungry," Alyssa complained to her two friends, both whom were lying on her small bed, and her stomache growled as to agree.

"We could eat some burritos and applesauce," Melody suggested, looking bored as she lounged, half on the bed half not.

"Sounds good to me," Tera cheerfully ran down Alyssa's stairs, dragging the other two behind her. Melody grabbed a bean and cheese burrito, as did Tera, and Alyssa grabbed a rice and chicken burrito from her black fridge. They opened Alyssa's old fashioned microwave, and placed the burritos inside. Alyssa starts it, and fire flashes inside.

"They're done!" Alyssa sings. She opens the microwave, and the burritos are in the middle of the forest.

"What the fuck?" Tera's voice is completely flat in her surprise.

"Alright! This is a ninja mission! We must be prepared for everything, because anything can go wrong. Those are our comrades out there!" Melody screams, turning to Alyssa, "grab the applesauce!" While Alyssa ninja rolls to the applesauce, Melody ninja rolls into the microwave. Alyssa grabs the applesauce and ninja rolls through the microwave.

Tera puts a hand to her face, and sighs, before climbing into the microwave, saying, "Of course. The microwave becomes a portal to God knows where, and we just have to get easily replaceable burritos."Alyssa shoves her back out of the mystical microwave.

"Presentation is everything, Tera!" Melody calls out from somewhere behind Alyssa.

"What the fuck!" Tera yells at Alyssa.

Alyssa glares. "Ninja roll. Now," Tera does a half hearted ninja roll.

"That was pathetic! Our comrades are dying! You're wasting time! They're growing cold!" Melody screams.

"Fuck you!" Tera screams back. Alyssa pulled Tera out of the way, and slammed the microwave's door shut.

They go over to the fallen comrades, Melody running Baywatch style. "They're cold!" She fell to her knees.

Alyssa fell next to her, tears pouring out her eyes, "NOOOOOOOOO!"

Tera shakes her head behind them. "Oh my God."

Melody snaps back, red stained eyes. "You!" She pointed angrily at the bored looking teen

"Me?" Kimiko's pointed to herself, raising an eyebrow in a condensending manner.

"This is all your fault!" Melody puffed her cheeks out, angry.

"Uh-huh." Kimiko rolls her eyes.

Alyssa ignores the conversation, still sobbing, whispering "Why?" over and over.

"They probably weren't cooked in the first place, you moron." Tera turns back to the microwave. "Alyssa, you whore."

"What?" Alyssa demands.

"It's gone." She replied

"You're virginity? That was gone a long time ago." Alyssa shoots back.

"Um, no, I'm the one that believes in abstinence, remember?" Tera responds, not realizing that Jiraiya is crying in a tree behind her.

"I don't know why, but I get the feeling that we're being watched," Melody looked around the little clearing. Jiraiya hastily fled the scene. "Oh well, they're gone now," Melody continued. "This is ridiculous!" Tera shrieked. "This is like, the mother of all clichés! We're here in our freaking pajamas, in the middle of a forest and in ten seconds, it's going to start raining!" True to her word, rain started pouring down.

So while Tera looked up at the sky and screamed obscenities, Alyssa and Melody scrambled to cover their beloved burritos, Melody screaming, "Cover them! Cover them!"

"You know, I didn't even want burritos in the first place!" Tera finished.

Alyssa gasped dramatically, "Take that back!" while covering the burritos 'ears.

Melody whirled to face Tera, "Now you have to put these in the microwave!"

Tera raised an eyebrow, "What microwave? It's gone, Clever One."

"Are you serious?" Alyssa waved her hands in the spot that the microwave had been. She turned to Tera, "It's gone."

They wandered around for hours until they came across a huge gate. "Um, this sign says Konoha. So, we're in the Naruto world. WTF." Tera gaped.

"Wait a minute, Sasuke's a rich bitch. He's gotta have a microwave!" Alyssa shrieked. They walked past the sleeping chunin guards. "Lazy bastards." Alyssa muttered.

"If we're in the Naruto world, I'm changing my name to Kimiko. Damn straight I am a ruling child! I'm a noble, dammit!"

"If you get to be Kimiko, I get to be Kaminari. I'm as loud as thunder, bitches." Alyssa exclaimed. Tera/Kimiko and Alyssa/Kaminari looked back at Melody, then at each other. "Yeah, she's Ayane," they said together. "This is ironic, because I know from personal experiences that she can't keep a melody."

Melody/Ayane ran to catch up, then stopped. "Oh my God! That's Ichiruka's Ramen Shop! We're in the Naruto world!" she screeched.

"Didn't I just say that?" Kimiko mumbled.

Kaminari just grinned, "Yep, and now we're off to see the emo, the wonderful emo of Konoha! Because, because, because, because, because of the wonderful microwave he has!" A few minutes later, the trio was at the Uchiha Manor. Kimiko raised her hand to knock, but Ayane kicked down the door. The other's looked at her.

"What? I'm a ninja, and we're in Konoha." Ayane defended herself.

"Hey look, a shoe mat!" Kaminari pointed down. The girls sat down to remove their slippers. Explosions sounded above them. "Wow, fireworks. He knows to entertain his guests."

"He must be nicer than he lets on," Kimiko said, sounding as in thoughg.

Sasuke ran into the room, "What the hell do you want!" he looked up at him.

"We want your microwave." Ayane stared at him.

"Wow, Ayane. Not blunt at all. Real subtle. Worthy of being called a ninja." Kaminari drawled

"My… microwave?" Sasuke looked as dumbfounded as an Uchiha could get."Hai! Your microwave. Now, where is it?" "In the kitchen," Sasuke replied, speaking slowly as if they were children.

"And where would the kitchen be?" Kimiko spoke slowly back, before returning to her usual snobby tone. "Honestly, what with the fireworks and everything, I thought you were nice. Oh, well. Life goes on. Now tell us where the damn kitchen is, so that we can go home already!" The girls wander aimlessly around until they find a door with the nameplate 'Sasuke' on it. "Looks promising," Ayane cheered, "Gotta be the kitchen. The nameplates must be there to throw us off." The other two look at her questionably. "Remember, I'm a ninja. Espionage is my specialty. As a great ninja once said, you must look underneath the underneath!"

They opened the door, and it's… Sasuke's bedroom."Underneath the underneath?" Kaminari asked, before lifting up Sasuke's mattress.

"No! Stop!" Sasuke shouted, "Don't do-"

"Let's see, porn, porn, porn, what the hell?" Kaminari stared at a picture with a blank face. "A picture….of Itachi naked. Okay, moving on. Porn, oh look more porn. A pink, flowery, fuzzy diary. Intriguing." Kaminari slipped the picture of Itachi into the diary, then the diary was slipped into her shirt and no one noticed.

Ninja moment."I found the kitchen! It's very pretty!" Kimiko's voice sounded from a distant room. The other two found her, and Ayane shoved the burritos in to the machine.

"Why are there so many god damn buttons on this thing!" Ayane screamed in frustration.

"I found the manual!" Kaminari called from a scene of destruction, flour poured over her somehow.

"Hey look, I'm pretty," Kimiko smiled at the mirror.

Ayane looked at her hands in horror. "My pinkies… they're shorter than all the other fingers." A couple seconds later, she screamed, "Oh my God! We're two dimensional!"

"And I'm pretty!" Kimiko yelled back, before whirling to face Sasuke. "Shut the hell up. You're just jealous that you're not as pretty as me!"

"And we can read kanji!" Kaminari cheered.

"This is so ninja!" Ayane shrieked.

Sasuke looked at Ayane warily, "Are you shinobi? From what village? Where are your headbands?"

"We're from the Village of Your Mom," Ayane responded.

Kimiko joined the banter easily, "And our headbands are in Uranus?"

"Just like your head," Ayane finished triumphantly.

"Wait… Where did Kaminari go?" Kimiko demanded, looking around the room.

"Does it matter?" Sasuke snapped, "Bedsides, I have to meet my team."

Ayane gasped, "That means Kakashi! Yes, let's go meet your team!"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed, "How do you know Kakashi?"

Ayane smiled sweetly, "He's my bitch." Sasuke's face went WTF, before he shook his head, and left his house, Kimiko and Ayane trailing along after him.

He stopped at a bridge, and leaned against the railing. "Where are Sakura and Naruto?" Kimiko asked.

"How do you know them?" Sasuke glared at her."I'm just ninja that way. Hey, look! There's Kaminari. And she has your microwave. Crazy whore."

"I heard that!" Kaminari shouted, "Anyways, come help me find some reception for this thing!"

"Great, the last fan girl," Sasuke muttered.

"I'm not a fan girl, I'd like to slap you," Kimiko pointed out mildly. "But now you've pissed off Kaminari, not exactly an easy thing to do, mind you. So, watching her kick your ass will be good enough revenge for me." Kaminari shoved the microwave into Ayane's arms, and tackled Sasuke, knocking them both over the bridge.

"Water fight," Ayane cheered, and attempted to jump off the bridge, was a poof!, and a voice called out, "Yo! Sorry I'm late, I got… lost… on. Hey, Sasuke's finally becoming a man, eh, in the water even. I always thought he was gay, guess I was wrong. Though Sasuke-chan, on land you're still technically a virgin?"

"What is it you are implying?" Kaminari had a dark cloud above her head as she glared at Kakashi in a mid didn't answer, instead staring questionly at Ayane, who had stars in her eyes, her expression that of such if God had spoken to her, and given her a purpose, a reason to live.

"Why are you carrying a microwave?"Ayane pushed the microwave into Kimiko's arms, accidently brushing her hand with her fingers, in her mad dash to bow down before Kakashi.

A cat ran past them, commonly known as Tora, and Naruto, who popped in out of nowhere, screamed, "It's Tora, get her!" Ayane whirled away from Kakashi and chased after the cat. "Wait! Burrito, come back!"

"Oh, shit," Kimiko dropped the microwave, and raced after Ayane, Kakashi and Naruto hot on her they caught up to Ayane, Tora was trapped in a corner of an alley, and Ayane was crawling towards her, saying, "come here, burrito, I won't hurt you. Yes, burrito, we can be best friends. I only want one bite. You'll understand, won't you? Just let it happen." Kimiko frowned, and asked Ayane what she was doing. "Shut up! You'll scare the burrito away!" Ayane pounced, and got a hold of Tora, before she started to gnaw on the cat's tail. The cat yowled, fur bristling as she tried to get away.

"You do realize that we're gonna have to take that cat," Kakashi slowly said. Ayane turned, and saw two monkey's with pitchforks, trying to take her burrito away. A third monkey was in the background, saying, "This isn't going to end well."

"You do realize that we're going to have take that burrito," Ayane heard the biggest monkey clutched the 'burrito' tight to her chest.

"It wants to be eaten," She whined.

The monkey in the background (otherwise known as Kimiko) called out, "She's a bit high in the sky, if you know what I mean. Sorry about this, I'm a hallucinogen." The monkey paused, and looked confused. "Wait, what? I'm a hallucinogen? Awesome!"

The biggest monkey (Kakashi) looked disbelieving at her, and rubbed the back of his head. "Ah, whatever helps you sleep at night."

"No, seriously, watch. Hey, Ayane, Kakashi is a giant burrito." The monkey in the background pointed at the biggest turns around to look at the biggest monkey, and gasped. She saw the monkey reaching for the top of his head, and grab a zipper. He pulled the zipper down, and shrugged out of the monkey costume. What had previously been a monkey, was now a giant burrito, who was taking the top of his pitchfork off. He started to move erotically, and tilted the stick over himself. The stick, which contained salsa, drained over him enticingly. Ayane drooled, and looked at the small burrito (Tora), and threw it at the medium monkey (Naruto), who started to scream (Tora was clawing Naruto's face). Ayane leapt at the giant burrito, and bit a chunk out of the side.

The burrito threw her back, and Ayane screamed, "Tease!" at him, along with some other well chosen words (prostitute being one of them).

"Well, it's nice to know you want my body, but this is a little to similar to Orochimaru for me." Kakashi gave a one-eyed smile.

"I don't want your body, I want to eat you." Ayane looked at the burrito like it was none to intelligent.

"Well, that's interesting, but I think that you're a little to young for me." The burrito replied.

"You're never to young to eat a burrito," Ayane looked confused.

"Oh, so you're one of those types. Food, eh? Well, this is all good and fun, but I'm not a burrito." Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck.

"Ayane, you're the burrito," the monkey in the back called looked at the giant burrito, which slowly faded into Kakashi, and then looked down at her hands.

They were burritos. "Oh my God! I'm a cannibal!" The monkey in the back burst into laughter, before fading into Kimiko. "This isn't funny! My entire life is ruined! I'm a monster! An atrocity!" Ayane screamed, waving her burrito arms.

"We should probably go check on Sasuke. It wouldn't do if you had a dead teammate, now would it? Besides, imagine how the Council would react. Can you see the headlines?" Kimiko's voice was apathetic. "The last loyal Uchiha, slain by a peasant. That would help with his macho, macho image."

"Oh, yeah, I have to place bets!" Ayane shouted. She paused, looking at her hands. "Hey, I'm not a burrito!"

"You are on the inside." Kimiko group returned to the bridge, getting an eyeful of Sasuke being drowned. Kimiko picked up the microwave, sauntering over to the railing of the bridge. "How's he doing?" She called down.

"Soon to be dead," Kaminari called back up. "He's a little blue."

"Wait! Don't kill him yet!" Ayane shouted. "I haven't made my bet yet!"

Kimiko leaned over, saying, "I vote for Kaminari." And then she 'accidently' dropped the microwave. Clunk.

"Hey!" Kaminari yelled up at her. "I was supposed to kill him!" As the two girls fought, Sasuke's form slowly slipped down into the dark abyss.

"Shouldn't someone help him?" Ayane asked.

"Maa, Maa. He'll be okay." Kakashi rubbed the back of his head. Ayane looked at him with hearts in her eyes.

"Yeah, what you said," Ayane jumped over the bridge's railing, aiming for the bank. She missed by a foot, and she stumbled, before falling face first onto the ground.

Kaminari started to laugh, but was cut off when Kimiko interrupted, "Hey, Kaminari?"

"Yeah?" She responded.

"The microwave wasn't plugged in, was it?" Kimiko looked down at Kaminari.

"…No." Kaminari hesitently replied

"Then there shouldn't be electricity in the river, should there?" Kimiko apathetically questioned.

"I don't think so." Kaminari shrugged.

"Do you think Sasuke is mad enough to Chidori our asses?" Kimiko said, looking as if she was merely talking about the weather.

Kaminari looked at the river, finally noticing Sasuke swimming towards them, Chidori in hand. "Yeah, I think so."

"Should we run?" Kimiko questioned.

"That would be a good idea. But the question is: Can we run fast enough?" Kaminari inquired in return.

"Now would be a good time to find out," Kimiko decided, turning on her heel, and ran. Kaminari ran with her, after stumbling out of the river. Sasuke slowly broke the surface of the water, and ran after them, Chidori still cackling.

"Shouldn't he be running out of chakra by now?" Kaminari questioned breezily.

"Evidently not." Kimiko responded just as nonchalantly, as if they weren't three feet from a horribly gruesome death.

Ayane was still staring at an obviously uncomfortable Kakashi. The girls ran in circles until they bumped into a group of people. "This day is absolutely fantastic," Kimiko stated dispassionately.

"I want pocky," Kaminari stared at one of the figures.


	2. Akatsuki

Kaminari gasped dramatically, before whirling to face Kimiko. "You burrito killing bitch!"

"What now!" Kimiko snapped. "And, hey! The whole dramatic gasp thing is my trademark reaction!"

"Shut up! The burritos were in the microwave!" Kaminari screamed back. "And, you dropped the microwave on Sas- Hey! Look, it's the Akatsuki!"

Kimiko stared at her friend. "Your observational skills amaze me. Truly, they do." Kaminari ignored her, instead running up to Itachi, and started to rub her face against his cloak. The other Akatsuki members looked at her blankly."It's not him she fascinated with," Kimiko explained, her tone bored. "It's his cloak. She's obsessed with it."

"Soft, comfy. I want one." Kaminari crooned.

"Itachi! I'll kill you!" Sasuke had gotten over his wimpy emo shock.

"Yes! We live!" Kimiko shrieked. "He won't use the Chidori to electrocute our asses! Hell to the yeah!" She did a few cartwheels in her exultation, while Kaminari crawled under Itachi's cloak, and into his arms. Her head popped out of the collar. She looked up at Itachi, "You're warm."

"You do realize that Sasuke's about to Chidori him, right?" Kimiko asked.

"Itachi will dodge it, because he's not an emo brat, like someone I know. And in the slight, very slight, chance that he'll graze Ita-kun, he better not hurt the cloak or I'll kill him." Kaminari glared at Sasuke, while Itachi was getting a faceful of hair. _This girl just climbed up my cloak. Does she not fear me?_ Itachi thought, face completely blank.

"Nope. Come to think of it, I'm not scared of you either. Of course, with Kaminari it's simply because of her stupidity." Kimiko stated.

Kaminari pouted, "Meanie!"

Kimiko fell to the ground, clutching his ears. "It burns!"

"Well. That's special." Kaminari twisted her head to face Itachi, not noticing how close their faces were. "Did I hurt you?" she asked anxiously. Kisame started to choke on his spit. "Are you alright, Fishy-chan?" She leaned to him, eyes now blue eyes wide with compassion.

"Hey! My hair's different! Look! Look! I have black bangs! And the rest of my hair is white! And it's long! Like, down to my hips long! Hell to yeah!" Kimiko pulled a mirror out of nowhere, and she twisted around to examine her reflection. "My figure is pretty much the same, but that's okay, 'cause I like it. But my eyes are gold! Yes! I'm so happy."

"Happy, happy, joy, joy!" Ayane called from somewhere to the back of the whole scene. She was trailing after Kakashi. Kaminari didn't pay any attention to them, not even to Sasuke, who was curled into a ball, cutting himself. Looking in between Itachi and Kisame, Kaminari patiently waited for one of them to answer. Itachi continued to say nothing and Kisame looked bewildered. "Well? Tell me? Did I hurt you? Are you okay? Why do none of you speak?" Kaminari had tears gathering in her eyes. She sniffled.

"Ah, I'm fine! Really, yeah, I'm great actually." Kisame waved his hands around. He did not want a crying female. Itachi just stared back at her when she turned her attention to him. Itachi raised an eyebrow when Kaminari started to cry."He hates me," She whimpered, her head slipping below the collar.

"Oookay, I'm leaving now." Kimiko turned walked away, grabbing Sasuke's shirt and dragging him with her. "You're coming too. You're rich, so you can buy me some clothes. I'm getting tired of running around in my pajamas." They left a trail of blood behind them. Some of the blood was from Sasuke's nose.

"I can summon ninja dogs too, Kakashi-sama!" Ayane bit her thumb, and waved her hands in what she assumed were Hand Signs. She slammed her hand on the ground. A giant POOF! resulted. Ayane looked up. "Oops. I think I did something wrong. You're not a dog."

A loud, resonating voice called out, "I am the King of Burritos! Who hath summoned me?" No one answered. Everyone looked at the burrito confused, besides Ayane who had drool coming down her face."Answer me! Who hath summoned me!" The King of Burritos yelled out.

"How are we going to get rid of this?" Kakashi looked up at the giant burritos bulging salsa eyes.

"I know!" Ayane jumped on it, taking a big chunk out of the burrito's side. The big burrito screamed, fell over, and disappeared to whence he came. The piece in Ayane's mouth disappeared as well, leaving her with a sense of emptiness.

"Don't try that again," Kakashi told Ayane."Would you try it again?" she asked."Probably," was the response."Then I will too!"

Kaminari popped up again, sniffing the air. "I smelled a burrito." She looked up at Itachi, "What happened?"

"The blonde (Ayane) attempted to summon ninja dogs, like Hatake, but summoned a giant burrito.""You spoke to me! You don't hate me!" Kaminari threw her arms around his neck, scrunching up the cloak. Itachi stared apathetically at the red head (Kaminari).Kisame started to laugh, "I can hear the wedding bells already." Itachi stared at him, the Sharingan glinting maliciously. "Uh, I mean, I can hear bells! I can hear Kakashi's bells!"

"Can I join the Akatsuki?" Kaminari asked, stars in her eyes."No."Tears poured out of Kaminari's eyes as she slowly disappeared under the cloak again. A few seconds later, Itachi heard sucking sounds. The rest of the Akatsuki looked at him as his eyes widened, a gasp escaping from his lips. Even Ayane tore her eyes away from Kakashi as a moan sounded from the pair.


	3. Exhibit

Itachi's head disappeared beneath the collar as well. "Stop that! That's not yours!"

"I don't wanna stop! It's so yummy! And how do you keep it so firm, all wrapped up in this cloak?" More sucking sounds ensued. "Ahhh, perfect!"

"Quit scraping your teeth on it!" "But I like the cream! Hey, it's all wet." Blowing sounds ensued.

"I didn't know that Kaminari was so assertive," Ayane said as she watched Itachi's legs disappear into the cloak as well. They fell to the ground.

"Are they wrestling?" Naruto asked, confused as he watched arms and legs appearing and disappearing at random intervals, yelps and shrieks emitting from within.

"Wrestling for dominance," Ayane told him. Two heads popped out of the collar, red and panting. "Well that was quick," Ayane looked at Kisame, "Was that his first time?"

"How the hell would I know?" Kisame demanded.

"Really, I thought you guys had regular sexual intercourse," Ayane looked somewhat taken aback. Kisame grabbed a hold of Samehada, growling angrily, thinking, must not kill her, must kill her, remember the treaty we need."That bad, huh?" Ayane decided. "A fish outta water? Flopping that badly? No wonder he needs Kaminari, you're not good enough. And by the way, why do you need a big sword? Are you compensating for something?" Ayane curved her finger around her chin thoughtfully, oblivious to the fact to that she had insulted him. Screw the treaty! You little bitch! Kisame swung the Samehada at her, and Kakashi pulled her out of the way just in time. Ayane turned to Kakashi, hearts in her eyes, hands clasped. "You do love me!" Kakashi sweat dropped.

"Oh, my god." Kisame was looking at Itachi and Kaminari. "It's okay, try not to be too jealous," Ayane consoled him.

"She took it! she took it, and I can't get it back!" Itachi screamed.

"So it was his first time. There went my theory…. Unless it's his first time with a woman." Ayane said knowingly.

"Now, now, lets try not to make it worse. We don't want them to kill you, and then us." Kakashi chastised.

"There's going to be an us?" The hearts returned to Ayane's deep green and Itachi was staring lovingly at the box of pocky that was the source of all the trouble. Everyone looked over at them when Kaminari narrowed her eyes.

"What were you thinking we were doing, you sick perverts. It's all about the pocky. And Ayane, quit flirting with Kisame. Are you getting that desperate?"Ayane threw her arms around Kakashi.

"It's not true, Kakashi-sama! You are the only one for me!" Ayane tried to bring his head in for a kiss, and Kakashi struggled to stay away. "Hold still!"

"That's pathetic," Kaminari said. "But sooo damn hilarious."

"You're one to talk, fan girl." Kimiko's voice called out. She was still dragging Sasuke, and had changed clothes. She was now wearing a Jonin outfit. The Hokage was walking right next to her.

"No fair! How come she gets to be a ninja?" Ayane demanded. "She didn't even want to come here in the first place!"

"These are the only clothes that loser boy here had that weren't too… emo for my taste." Kimiko told Ayane.

"Fan girl?" Kaminari twitched. "I'm not a fan girl," she whined. She looked at Itachi with watery eyes. "I'm not a fan girl, am I, 'tachi-kun?" She grabbed his shirt, before realizing that she was wrinkling the cloak. She retracted her arms, crossed them, stomping her foot down. She accidently kicked his knee. Itachi stared at her, emotionlessly. "I'm sorry," she whimpered. His eyes turned into the Mangekyo Sharingan. A second later, Itachi's eye was twitching. He saw Rianne. Kaminari's sister. Kaminari started clawing at her eyes, and Kimiko and Ayane leapt at her to pull her away. "I have a pretty good idea of what you're doing," Kimiko told Itachi firmly. "And I want you to stop. Some things just need to remain in the dark."

"In the very, very, very dark." Ayane finished.

Kaminari was curled in a ball whimpering, muttering, "She touched me. She touched me."

"You broke her, now you fix her," Ayane tossed her friend at Itachi, who had slowly risen to his walked over to Kaminari, then pulled out a doll. "Now show me on the doll where they touched you."

"It's unspeakable. Disgusting, dirty, vile." Kaminari curled into Itachi's arms, slipping back into his cloak. "Make it stop," she whispered. Then she screamed. "No! make them stop! I don't want to see this! My eyes, they burn!" More screaming. Itachi released the jutsu.

"What did you see?" Ayane whispered. "Paula… and Rianne. Together." "Enough, you need not say more." Ayane glared at Itachi. "Do you have any idea what you've done? She's going to need therapy for the rest of her life! It's like seeing Orochimaru and Kabuto!" She screamed. Ayane whirled to face the leader of the Akatsuki. "Give her a cloak as compensation! She might come back to normal."

"Cloak?" Kaminari stopped sobbing, looking around. "For me?" She looked dazed.

"The human mind is a wonderful thing. It has a special way to deal with trauma. It can lock it away or discard the memory and replace it with a nicer one." Everyone stared at Ayane. "What? I can be smart too!"

"I like Tachi-kun's cloak. Can I have his? It's warm and comfy." Kaminari snuggled into his chest."See? I told you, you're a fan girl! Oh, wait. Scratch that. I don't want to have to be all nice later. You're not a fan girl." Kimiko finally noticed that she was still clutching Sasuke's shirt. She released him, and he fell to the ground, face filled kaminari's eyes. "I'm not a fan girl." "Oh?" Ayane asked. "You're not a fan girl? Exhibit A," She pointed at Kaminari dramatically, "You're curled in Itachi's arms!"

"Oh, yeah? Well, Exhibit B: You're holding hands with an unwilling Kakashi!" Kaminari snapped back.

"Exhibit C: I'll kill you in your sleep!" Ayane screamed.

"Exhibit D: Let's all just go home," Kimiko deadpanned.

"Exhibit E: You're the dumb bitch that dumped the microwave in the river! Now we can't get any reception!" Kaminari yelled. Her hand flung out of the cloak, a finger pointed ominously at Kimiko.

"Exhibit F: The Hokage is here, so why don't you just shut up and listen to what she has to say!" Kimiko ignored her accusation.

"Exhibit H: Why are we speaking in Exhibits?" Kakashi asked.


	4. The Treaty

"Enough!" Tsunade shouted. "The Akatsuki has offered a treaty, so that we might beable to defeat Orochimaru."

"Well, that'll be easy," Kimiko interrupted. "We can use Sasuke for bait."

"Yeah!" Kaminari voice exclaimed from the depths of the cloak. "We can tie him up, and sing, 'here snakey, snakey, snakey, come rape Sasuke-chan! Get him to call you master!' He wouldn't be able to restrain himself!" Sasuke was staring at her in terror.

He hid behind Kimiko, who twisted her torso to look at him with a raised eyebrow. "I was the one who suggested it. Why are you hiding behind me?" "Because you're hot!" Sasuke yelled, before his face a bright blinked, frowned, and shook her head. "Why do I get all the losers?"

Ayane started to skip and dance around the pair, singing, "Kimiko's got a boyfriend, Kimiko's got a boyfriend!"

Kaminari popped her head out of the cloak, "Well, he's better that Aitsu."

"I knew it!" Sasuke shouted, pointing a finger at her. "I knew that you were a fan girl!"

Kaminari stared at him, before sliding down into the cloak, muttering quietly to herself. "Revenge will be mine. But he doesn't know, no he doesn't know what he just did. But he will, he will." She started furiously scribbling plans into a small note book, while all everyone else saw was some blob moving around.

Itachi looked down at the plans, and his face paled. "Run, little brother, run. Cling to your pathetic life if you want to live."

"No, seriously," Kimiko told Sasuke. "She'll rip your intestines out and sell them as necklaces."

Sasuke pshawed, saying, "Yeah, right. She can't hurt me."

Then he saw a flash of pink. "My diary!" He paled. "I mean, my journal. My very manly journal." Sasuke turned and flung his arms around the Kimiko, saying, "You'll protect me, won't you, utsukushii (beautiful)?"

"Against a raging Kaminari?" Kimiko checked. Sasuke nodded. "I think not. Especially not when she planning your painful demise." Kimiko stepped away from the teen. She stumbled over Sasuke's well placed leg, and glared her death-glare at Sasuke. "You did that on purpose, dickless." She took a total of two steps backward, and rather ungracefully fell over Ayane, who was curled in a ball, screaming, "It's the end of the world! She'll kill us all!" Kimiko stared up at the sky. "That's it. I give up. I'll stay on the ground."

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad," Ayane walked over to her friend, and helped her to her feet.

Kimiko took a step, tripped over nothing, and tumbled back to the ground. "I told you so," she muttered lifted her head from the cloak, and glared darkly at Sasuke, before her lips formed an evil smile.

Kaminari looked around, muttering, "Where's my cell phone?" Thunk. Itachi fell over, dragging Kaminari with him. "Hey! There it is!" Kaminari pulled it from Itachi's hair, slipping back into the cloak.

"I just noticed. He has some lumpy man-boobs," Ayane pointed out. She turned to Kimiko, "Think he has breast cancer?"

"I don't care," Kimiko groaned from the ground after her tenth attempt to stay on her feet.

"We don't need their help!" Sasuke shouted angrily.

"Shut up!" Tsunade roared, and threw him against a tree. Kimiko finally got to her feet, and helped him up, releasing his hand. She looked at him strangely when he didn't release hers. "Where did your cell phone come from, Kaminari?" Ayane asked.

"Apparently from Tachi-kun's hair," Kaminari answered cheerfully, ending the call.

"Who did you call?" Kimiko asked, somewhat warily. "A connection," was the reply. "How the hell can you have connections when we've been here for less than five hours?" Kimiko demanded. "And the only time you weren't with us was when you were beating the shit outta Sasuke." "I've got skills."Kimiko's eyes widened. "Oh God. You were missing for ten minutes when you got the microwave. Oh, shit we're gonna have a mob boss on our asses now, won't we?"

Tsunade looked at the three girls. "Who the hell are you?"

"You only just noticed us?" Kimiko raised an eyebrow. "We're ninja!" Ayane exlaimed. Kimiko looked at her in exasperation. "You're not helping our case, Clever One."

Kakashi looked down at Ayane, "You're not the brightest of the bunch, are you?"

Ayane grinned, "What my brain lacks, my body makes up for in beauty tenfold."

"I think we're human," Kaminari looked at her hands, which were sticking out of the cloak. Along with her feet. Itachi groaned.

"Tachi-kun! You're alive! I thought my phone had killed you!"

"You can let me go," Kimiko shook that hand that Sasuke hand claimed. His grip tightened. "Great. A fan boy."

Tsunade gripped her head, "Ugh, hang over. That's it! You!" She pointed at Sasuke, "You guard her," The finger shifted to point at tugged the hand he still held, and dragged Kimiko away, muttering, "I'll get my revenge some other time."

"You think death is revenge? I'll show you what true revenge is! You'll be so humiliated that you will never show your face again!" Kaminari screamed, and then laughed evilly.

"You've been perfecting that laugh, haven't you?" Ayane asked.

"Sasuke will never be the same." Kaminari smiled.

"You!" Tsunade pointed at Itachi, who had stood up, now fully awake, "will guard your new… friend." Tsunade looked at Itachi.

"We're friends?" Itachi's eyes slightly twitched. "Is that a yes?"

"Kakashi!" Tsunade shouted. "You will guard your new friend."

"NOOOOO!" Kakashi fell on his face, reaching up to Tsunade. "Please! God, no! I'll give up Icha Icha if you don't make me!"

Tsunade stared at him with unflinching eyes. "Liar." Ayane looked around, searching for something to make Kakashi happy.

"You'll be on time for everything?" Tsunade gasped, and rubbed two fingers near her mouth. "Yes," he said painfully.

"You'll let me see behind the mask?"

"Uh, um …yes," he finally responded, nearly crying.

"Then this is torture for you. Have fun." Tsunade smiled and Akatsuki split up, while Itachi took Kaminari with him to follow Tsunade. Kaminari was sleeping.


	5. Ayane's Adventure

Ayane looked up at Kakashi, wiggling her eyebrows. "Hey, we're alone. In a nice, empty field. Pretty cushiony."

Kakashi stared down at her, "No."

"But I'm beau-"

"No."

"Don't worry; you'll love me one day." She said with complete sincerity.

Kakashi had anime tears pouring down his cheeks. "Why me?"

Ayane looked thoughtful, which is never a good thing. "We need loving nickname for each other. Yours shall be…" she brought a finger to her lips, not noticing Kakashi's horrified look. "I got it! Kashi-koishi-kun! And you can call me… Aika (love song)!"

"Gods help me," Kakashi muttered.

"I am your goddess, Kashi-koishi-kun! And I'll help you," Ayane smiled, and started to undo the zipper to his vest.

He slapped her hands away. "Stay away from me!"

"But you're supposed to guard me. A ninja of your caliber shouldn't be weirded out by that. Don't you guard a lot of people, Kashi-koishi-kun? Why can't I be guarded?" she paused, and stepped away from him, a smile worked its way up her face. "Okay, I'm sorry, but I couldn't resist doing that."

"… So it was all just a joke? You're not fangirling me?" Kakashi looked relieved.

"I'm not a fangirl. I love you." Her eyes bore into his… one eye.

Sweat started to accumulate on Kakashi's neck. Oh, crap, this is deeper than I thought. "Uhhh, so what are you going to do?"

"Anything as long as it involves you." Ayane smiled at him.

"Well, what if I want to do something that doesn't involve you?"

"But that won't happen. Because you love me too." Her smile disappeared as her voice became more threatening. "Don't you?"

"Uh, how about we go get some ramen?" Kakashi laughed nervously. His diversion was not remembered.

Ayane gasped. "A date?" She grabbed his hand and dragged him to Ichiruka.

They entered the stand, and sat down. Teuchi walked over to them, and asked Ayane what she wanted. "Burrito ramen, please."

He looked at her strangely, "I'll see what I can do. And you?" Teuchi turned to Kakashi.

"Oh, we'll be sharing," Ayane cut Kakashi off. She smiled, "We're dating." She put her arm around him.

"No, we're not." Kakashi tried to casually shrug the arm off. He felt her hand clench, harder and harder.

"Yes," she nearly snarled. "We are." Kakshi tried to form hand seals, and Ayane grabbed one of his hands. "Don't do that, Kashi-koishi-kun?" She paused. "How am I supposed to eat?" Her face brightened. "Kashi-koishi-kun, you can feed me. You still have one arm left." Kakashi paled. "Oh, never mind, You're right! The girl is supposed to feed the guy! Just let me get a cage, real quick." She released him, and he ran for it. She did hand seals, and a rope appeared on the ground. "Good enough. What do you think Kashi-koishi-kun?" She noticed that he was running. "Oh, I guess you want to test it out." She quickly made a lasso, and flung it around him, and pulled him back.

Teuchi finished the ramen and turned around to serve his customers. The sight that beheld him was one not many got to see. Hatake Kakashi, the Copy Cat Ninja, was tied up in a chair. Defenseless. He just shook his head and served the ramen.

"Here you go, Kashi-koishi-kun!" Ayane cheerfully held the chopsticks to his mask. Kakashi's head moved from left to right, trying(failing) to get away. "Oh, I see, you don't want to get ramen on your mask." Naruto pulled back the curtains and settled himself down.

"Three misos, two chickens, and three shrimp ramen!" He yelled. Ayane looked at him, annoyed for ruining her beautifully going date with Kakashi. "Hey! You're that one girl, uh…" He stumbled for a name.

"Ayane? Maybe that's my name?" She made shooing movements. "Now run along dearie. We have big people things to do; now, about that mask." Naruto looked interested. "I don't want anyone else to see your face, besides me of course." She pulled out one of his kunai and Kakashi's eye widened considerably. She reached forward and he leaned back. "Hold still. I might miss." She grabbed his hair and held him still; then she slit a line across the mask. "There. Now you can eat." She shoveled food down his throat.

"Is that miso ramen?" Naruto curiously asked. Ayane looked at him as if he was stupid, which isn't far off.

"No, this is Burrito ramen!" She huffed. Naruto got starry eyed.

"Can I have some?" Ayane gave him a suspicious glance.

"Sure, just one bite though."

Naruto seized the bowl, and slurped up all the ramen in one go. "That was delicious! You are a god!" Teuchi was thinking, do you know what I went through, making that stupid bowl? And you worship her?

"Hey! You ate it all!"

Naruto looked down at the empty bowl. "I did?"

"Yes, you did!" Ayane pointed a finger ominously at the blond. "And now you have to buy me and Kashi-koishi-kun another bowl! Right, Kashi-kun?" Ayane turned to see Kakashi hopping around a corner as fast as he could. Which was pretty fast. She whirled at Naruto, "Look at what you did! You scared him away!" Ayane fled the ramen bar, chasing after Kakashi.

"Sorry kid, but someone's gotta pay," Teuchi looked over at Naruto who had disappeared. Along with the ramen. "God damn it! Ayame, watch the shop! Code N!" Teuchi ripped his apron off, revealing an old ANBU outfit.

"Again?" his daughter shook her head as he leapt over the counter.

Ayane lost Kakashi, so she started to wander aimlessly around the Village, shouting, "Kashi! Naruto didn't mean to scare you! Come back!" She saw Kaminari-chan run past her.


	6. Kaminari's Adventure

Kaminari opened her eyes, and blinked a few times. She would appear to be in a large dining room. There were lots of old people in the room with her. She popped her head out of the cloak. "Who the hell are these old farts?" She asked, confused. Then she noticed the black hair that had fallen over her face. She blew it out of the way. Some more fell in front of her face. She narrowed her eyes, and blew harder. Finally, she reached behind her, blue eyes widening when more black hair appeared. "Oh my God! I'm Itachi!" Kaminari shrieked. She thought about it for a minute, weighing the pros and cons. "Wait a second, I get the cloak! Yeah!" She flung her arms out of the sleeves, and tried to stand up. Her feet didn't even touch the ground. "Why am I flying?" She started to flail. "Is Tachi-kun a fairy?" She looked behind her. "No wings. But I found Tachi-kun. Does that mean the cloak isn't mine?" Itachi's eye was twitching.

"No," he told her, "The cloak is _mine_? As those old farts, as you put it, are the council of Konoha."

Kaminari returned her gaze to the old people. "Oooooh, that makes so much sense! I get it now."

"Itachi… we didn't know you had a girlfriend," One of the old men said.

"Yeah, I'm his girl friend." Kaminari looked innocently at the group. Itachi looked blankly at her. "What? I'm a girl, and I'm your friend. Aren't I?"

"That's not what they meant." Itachi told her, his voice expressionless.

"Then what did they me- Oooooh. I see. No, me and Itachi have not eloped." She stared at the council, before turning back to Itachi. "So why are we here?"

"To sign the treaty."

"Hmmm. So, what are we doing after this? Do I need to stay awake for it? Can I go back to sleep?"

"It does not require your awareness."

When Kaminari woke up again, they were nearing the stairs. _Now is my time to shine!_ She thought, before climbing over Itachi's shoulder. "Stop moving," Itachi commanded.

"As you wish," Kaminari leapt off his back, taking the cloak with her. Itachi stared down at his arms. _What? How did she-_ he thought, before turning to face the running figure, who was screaming, "I've got the power!"

Kaminari stopped running when she saw a dango shop. "Ooh!" Then she noticed that there was money in the pockets of the cloak. "Oooh!" She pulled out a fist full of cash, and skipped into the shop. "I always wanted to try these!" She sang as she bought some. Kaminari shoved the whole stick into mouth.

Anko, who was sitting at a table not far from her, asked, "Where's your gag reflex?"

Kaminari shrugged, and went back to eating, before she snapped her head back around. She walked over to the woman. "You're Miterashi Anko, aren't you?"

"What's it to ya, brat?"

"I challenge you to a dango eating contest. If I win, you have to adopt me and Naruto."

Anko raised an eyebrow, "And if I win?"

Kaminari pulled out another wad of cash. "I'll pay for all the dango you can eat for a year."

"You're on."

Kaminari turned to the guy who was selling the dango, "Bring it, and don't stop until we puke."

Three hours later, they were still at it, their stomach round as a bowling ball. "Do you ever stop?" Anko demanded.

"I've had to eat school food. I can handle this." Kaminari said in between her food. Anko reached for another one, before turning around and puking up her food. She sat back up, and saw all the dango sticks gone, and adoption papers in front of her. Anko looked at Kaminari, who had somehow gotten glasses and a lawyer suit. "You just need to sign here, here, and here," she said, pointing at various spots on the papers. "And an initial there." She pointed at a seemingly random place. "Alright, bye Mom, I've got to go."

"You," Itachi's voice lowly called from behind her. Kaminari smiled at him, pulling out the naked picture of Itachi that she had found in Sasuke's room. She held it out to him, saying, "Sasuke-chan sends his regards." Kaminari turned and walked off, an evil look on her face. _Phase One of revenge: Complete. Can you beat me at this game Sasuke? My game, my game of revenge._

"Get back here." Kaminari heard Itachi's voice slice through the wind like a deadly whisper. Kaminari looked towards him, and in front of her. At Itachi, in front of her. _To do, or not to do? The real question is: Do I have the ability to outrun Itachi? Well, no time like the present._ She dashed away from him. She ran past Ayane. They both stopped, and backtracked.

"Aya-chan? What are you doing?" Kaminari asked.

"Inari-chan? Oh, I'm looking for Kashi-kun." They started walking. "What are you doing here?"

"Running from Tachi."

"Why?"

"I stole his cloak… and his money."

"Oh, I see." _She always has been a mooch,_ Ayane thought, before bumping into someone, and falling over. "I used to have red hair, too." She said to the green eyes of Gaara. She got up, and started to apologize, when she saw Kakashi, who for some reason was still tied up. "Kashi!" She screamed, running after the poor man.

Kaminari helped Gaara to his feet, and started to dust off his shoulders. "I apologize for Ayane's… problems, She's a tad bit obsessed with Kakashi." _Okay, maybe a lot, but he doesn't have to know about that,_ "Anyways, you okay?"

"I found you," Itachi appeared right behind her. He threw her over his shoulder. He looked at Gaara, before running off. Kaminari made herself completely limp, until Itachi's grip loosened enough for her to roll off. She smacked into the ground and rushed away from him once more. "Moron," Itachi muttered, before running after her.

"I resent that!" Kaminari called over her shoulder. Kaminari ran through town. _How am I jumping so high? _Why_ am I jumping in the first place?_ She looked behind her, and noticed Itachi. _Oh. That's why. Oh, hey, it's Kimiko-chan, and Sasuke. I hope they're having a good time. Wait, aren't I supposed hate him?_ She glared at Sasuke, and ran off again. _Revenge! Mwahahahahahahahahaha!"_


	7. Kimiko's shopping spree?

Kimiko walked out of the dressing room, still dressed in the outfit she was trying on. "Well?" She asked Sasuke. "What do you think?" Sasuke was too busy dealing with his nosebleed to answer. They bought the outfit, and the teenage girl who was the cashier glaring at Kimiko the whole time.

They left the store, and passed Anko, who was muttering, "Red-head cloaked she-devil. Ate more dango then _me_!"

Kimiko turned to face Anko. "I don't even want to know." They heard hopping sounds, and saw Kakashi hopping in the next street. "Again, I don't want to know." They continued walking in complete naivety, unaware as to what would soon occur. Kimiko saw a flash of pink, and realized it was Sakura. _I'll make friends with her later,_ she decided. Suddenly, they heard the intercom come on.

"Hear ye, hear ye. To Sasuke. From Kaminari. Revenge is a bitch, isn't it? Entry One: Itachi-nii-san wants to be a model, but he threw away all his pictures. I'll keep them for him! I wonder why he doesn't have any clothing on. I wonder why his is bigger than mine." A voice shouted through the intercom.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with your journal, your 'very manly journal,' would it?" Kimiko slowly turned to face Sasuke.

"Uh, no, no!" Sasuke yelped, his face tomato red (mmm, tomato). "Of course not! Why would it?"

"To Sasuke: Yes, this is your 'very manly journal.' I knew you would try to get out of it."

Kimiko started to walk away. "No, wait! Come back!" Sasuke screamed after her.

Kimiko was about to turn when Kakashi jumped right over her. "Well, that doesn't make any sense." Ayane jumped over her next, chasing Kakashi. "Okay, makes sense." Then Naruto leapt over her. "And confusion settles in once more." Teuchi chased after Naruto. "Oh, okay." Kaminari was next. "Confusion." Itachi. "Understanding." Gaara. "Confusion. And I should probably help my friends."

"Wait! No! I need to explain myself!" Sasuke raced after the girl, narrowly missing the white hair that snapped back towards his face.


	8. The Hokage's Office

Tsunade was sitting at her desk, staring at the stacks of paper dispassionately. She asked Kami-sama to give her an excuse not to do the paperwork. The door flew open, revealing Kakashi, who worm hopped into the office before falling over. "Help me," he whispered, voice desperate.

"Kashi-kun!" Ayane screamed, tackling him, and kissing him all over.

Naruto raced into the room. "Wait! My ramen goddess!" Naruto tripped over the two on the floor.

Next to fall was Teuchi the ramen chef, shouting, "Pay for your ramen!"

Kaminari fell over him, screeching, "The cloak is mine!"

Itachi tripped over her, "Give it back."

Gaara stumbled over Itachi, quietly saying, "The girl is mine."

Kimiko stopped just in time to avoid falling over. "Ha! And you all say _I'm_ clumsy!"

Sasuke slammed into her, knocking her over. "Wait! Itachi _gave _me the naked pictures of himself!"

"That doesn't make it better." Kimiko told him coldly. Sasuke hung his head. It was silent for a moment.

Ayane flung everyone away. "He's dead! You all killed Kakashi! Quick! Get him in some water!" She screamed, quickly forming handseals.

"No!" Everyone else screamed.

The smoke cleared, a giant fish tank crushed Tsunade's desk. Ayane tossed Kakashi's body into it.

"He's not a fish, Aya-chan," Kaminari pointed out as she tried to stay away from Itachi.

"Oh God!" Ayane yelped, pulling him out from the water. Then she summoned a giant plant pot, and threw him in there, rapidly piling dirt on him.

"He's not a plant, either." Kimiko's deadpan voice calmly cut through Ayane's hysteria, as Kimiko unsuccessfully tried to remove Sasuke's arms from her waist.

"Then what do I do?"

Kaminari, who was now running from Itachi, told Ayane, each time she passed her, "Give. Him. Air." Itachi appeared in front of the red head, who crashed into him. The cloak flew across the room. Itachi and Kaminari stared at each other, then at the cloak. They dashed towards it, and even Itachi's speed was no match for Kaminari's mad desire of the cloak.

"Oh!" Ayane tilted her head down to Kakashi's face.

"I'm alive! I'm alive!" Kakashi frantically shouted, wriggling away.

"You're alive! Thank God!"

"Where did Kimiko go?" Ayane turned at Kaminari's voice, to find a large lump wriggling around Itachi. Finally, Kaminari's head appeared above and behind his head.

"Who cares?" Ayane looked at Kakashi. "Just hold my hand for a few minutes, and I'll leave you alone."

Kakashi stared suspiciously at the seventeen year old. "Promise?'

"Of course!"

They wandered off, hand in hand, much to Ayane's delight.

Kaminari made another appearance.

"Stop that." Itachi walked out of the office as he struggled to make Kaminari hold still.

"Tsunade-sama! What happened here?" Shizune, who walked in moment after Itachi's departure, demanded.

"Well," Tsunade started and proceeded to tell her assistant exactly what had happened.

"Tsunade-sama! It's one thing to make this mess to get out of paperwork, and another entirely to lie about it!"

"I didn't make the mess! The blonde one did! The blonde one, I tell you!" Tsunade shrieked.

Shizune eyed the Hokage's blonde hair. "Okay, milady. Let's get you in bed for a nap." She led the woman, who was still muttering about blonde hair, out of the office.


	9. A Thousand Years of Pain!

"HA! I GOT THE CLOAK… AGAIN! Sucker," Kaminari cheered.

"Nari-chan! Help me!" she heard Kimiko scream. The fifteen year old was struggling to kick Sasuke away from her legs.

He was clinging to her shins, saying, "No! Don't leave me! I'm sorry!"

"Get off me!"

"I just realized something," Kaminari slowly stated. "We have no place to sleep. Does this mean we're hobos?"

Sasuke leapt at the chance, "You can stay with me, Kimi-chan!"

The teen stopped struggling, and stared at the boy as if he were a bug beneath her feet. "I'm inviting everybody else."

Sasuke looked indecisive for a moment. "Alright," he conceded.

"Yay! We're not homeless anymore!" Kaminari screamed in her delight, then looked thoughtful. "Wait a minute. Shouldn't I stay with my mom?"

Kimiko looked at her warily, "Your mother?" Then a memory of Anko flashed. "Never mind, I don't want to know."

"Lets go tell everyone that we're staying at the Uchiha Complex!"

Itachi appeared, and glared at Sasuke, "What… have you _done_?" Kaminari screamed and ran off, dragging a stumbling Kimiko behind her.

They found Ayane and Kakashi. "Hey, you guys are still holding hands!" Kaminari smiled.

"No." Kakashi lifted their joined hands. Blood was dripping from them.

"I glued our hands together!" Ayane grinned happily. "Now we can always be together!"

Kimiko's eyes widened. Her version of expressing shock so severe she was about to fall over.

"That's nice!" Kaminari smiled.

"No it's not!" Kakashi snapped.

"If you hate it so much, why don't you just unglue them?"

"I tried. Kunai-repellant. Shuriken-repellant. Weapon-repellant. Sharingan-repellant. Glue-repellant… repellant."

"I'm so happy for you guys!" Kaminari cheered.

Kimiko raised an eyebrow. "It's unrequited, Nari-chan." She told her friend blankly.

"Well, that's not important! They are in love!"

"I just said that it's _unrequited_!"

"But they're in _love_!"

"It's _unrequited_!"

"It's _love_!" As the girls argued, they slowly leaned forward until they were practically touching noses.

"Do you even know what the word unrequited means?"

"Not in the least." Kaminari noticed how close they were, and screamed, "Lesbianism!"

"What?" Kimiko yelped, and jumped back.

"Pillow fight!" Kaminari pulled a pillow out of nowhere.

"How do you keep getting these things!" Kimiko shrieked just before Kaminari hit her in the face with the pillow. "Ow! You bitch!"

Jiraiya, hiding behind a bush, was busy scribbling down what was happening when he felt a dark presence behind him. "What," Itachi's voice was ice cold, "are you doing?"

Jiraiya turned around, shaking. "Um, right notes. Hehe."

"Give them to me, and you won't be harmed." Jiraiya painfully handed them over. Then the two turned their attention to the girls.

"Get off of me!" Kimiko screamed, also pulling out a pillow, and flinging it towards Kaminari's head. "You crazy bitch!"

"Shut up!" Kaminari tackled her friend and started to suffocate her.

"Why can't we all just be friends?" Ayane sobbed.

"You know what?" Kaminari stood up, and helped Kimiko to her feet. "I've always wanted a genjutsu like Lee and Gai."

"It's not a genjutsu, Clever One," Kimiko pointed out, before she fell over again. "Fuck my life."

"I don't care what it is! I want it!" Kaminari shouted in anger.

Itachi walked up to her, and said in an expressionless voice, "I want my cloak back." Kaminari yelped and started to run away, but he grabbed her collar.

Kaminari smiled sheepishly, "What cloak? I know not of any cloak of whence you speak."

"You're wearing it."

"Oh, this cloak? This is _my_ cloak."

"Take it off."

"Are you trying to get me to strip in a very unsubtle way?"

"Don't twist my words."

"I'm not! And I can't take off the cloak, because I'm not wearing anything underneath!" Kaminari shrieked as Kimiko slowly rose to her feet, only to fall down again. "Geez, Kimi-chan, stand much?"

"Shut up," came the dark reply.

"Give me the cloak," Itachi commanded.

"Did you _not_ just hear what I said?"

"I did, but I don't believe you."

"Oh, so you need proof?" Kaminari raised an eyebrow, and then shouted, "Neji! Oh, Neji! Where are you?"

Across town, Neji, who was very busy with Tenten, started to sneeze.

Back to the original group, "Alright, how about Hinata? Hinata! Hinata-chan! Where are you?" Kaminari screamed.

Hinata, who was watching Naruto, who was watching Ayane, who was watching Kakashi, who was crying in grief and staring at the joined hands, suddenly sneezed.

"What was that?" Kimiko frowned, but decided to ignore it, instead taking the hand that Sasuke had offered to help her up. She also decided not to forcefully remove Sasuke's arm from her waist.

Itachi leapt at Kaminari in an attempt to get the cloak. "Rape!" Kaminari screamed. "Stranger Danger!" Itachi stopped, and stared at her. "A ninja must never be surprised. Haha! I win," Kaminari gleefully fled the area.

She didn't make it far.

Kimiko and Ayane heard screaming. They looked at each other. "We should probably go check this out," they said in unison. When they reached the new little scene, they saw Sakura getting punched in the face by Kaminari.

"Hey, don't beat her up, I think she's kinda cool," Kimiko called.

"Yeah, I want to beat her up first!" Ayane screamed.

"No, I get to beat her up first!"

"No, _I _do!" Ayane and Kaminari started to punch and attack each other, Ayane dragging Kakashi behind her.

"You think she's cool?" Sasuke asked Kimiko.

"Sure," Kimiko replied, still aware of his arm around her waist.

Sakura was aware of it too. "Get away from my Sasuke-kun, you second-rate whore!"

Ayane heard this, and screamed back, "If she's second rate, than what are you? Tenth rate?"

"Still think she's cool?" Sasuke asked his new friend.

"Oh, hell to the no," Kimiko responded angrily. "Let me borrow this," she took his kusanagi.

"Okay," Sasuke said, a little scared now.

Kimko charged over to Sakura, and tripped, the kusanagi burrowing in the ground. She tried to get it out, but it was stuck. "Fuck this, who needs weapons," she snarled, leaping at the rosette.

"Ninja do!" Kaminari screamed.

"Well, I don't," Kimiko slammed her fist into Sakura's forehead. The girl flew back, hitting a building. Kimiko continued to attack her, being surprisingly graceful in her rage.

"Whoa," Sasuke murmured, dazed. "She's _hot_."

Ayane and Kaminari were rolling around as they fought, before bumping into Sakura's body. "Ew! It touched me!" they screamed, and leapt away.

"Wait a minute," Kaminari paused. "Why is she dead?"

"She's not dead, idiot," Kimiko told her, once again at Sasuke's side, the apathetic expression back in place. "She's just unconscious."

"A thousand years of pain!" Ayane screamed, flying towards Sakura's body.


	10. Ayane's Rage

"Have you ever raped someone in the Tsukiyomi?" Kaminari asked Itachi, interestedly. "Cause that would be the best bet against pregnancy."

"Oooh, Sasuke," Sakura moaned, interrupting whatever Itachi was going to say. The rest of the group looked at the pink haired monster in horror, and Ayane jumped away in terror. She looked down at her fingers, and slowly lifted them to her nose.

"Oh God! The horrors! It BURNS! It burns my nostrils!" She screamed after sniffing her fingers. Ayane whirled on Kaminari, "Smell that!"

Kaminari sniffed it, and then turned to Itachi. "Smell that shit! It's disgusting!"

Kimiko grabbed Sasuke's wrist and hid before anybody got any ideas on making _her_ smell the horrible, horrible smell.

Ayane shoved her fingers down Kakashi's mask. "Smell that! That's your student! Oh, my God!" Kakashi started to gag. "Is that your tongue? Oh, well, does it taste as bad as it smells?"

"Judging from the puke that's leaking out of his mask, I'd say so," Kimiko called from her hiding place.

"Oh, God! The voices are back!" Ayane screamed, and launched herself into Kakashi's arms. "Oh, I should probably get our fingers out of your mouth," Ayane removed their hands from the mask, looking a little disgusted when she saw the puke that coated them. "I thought you had more self control. "I'm tired," Ayane fell asleep in Kakashi's arms.

There was a slight thud as Kimiko fell from her tree. "Ow," she murmured tiredly. Sasuke leapt down from the same tree, and attempted to lift her up. "Not even," Kimiko rolled away from his reaching hands.

**(By the way, it's like five or six in the evening for them, and they've been up since 9 in the morning the day before. Forgive them for being human.)**

Itachi grabbed Kaminari before she could run off with the cloak again, and headed towards the Uchiha Compound. Sasuke waited until Kimiko was fully asleep before lifting her up gently and following his brother.

Kakashi groaned, but also headed to the Compound, dragging Ayane behind him. Kakashi reached the house in time to see Kimiko start screaming at Sasuke.

"I told you not to touch me!"

"Well, what did you expect me to do? Leave you there?"

"You could have waited till I woke up! Or, even better, you could have _woken_ me up!"

"I'd have to touch you to wake you up!"

"I have a name, moron! Ever heard of calling a name?"

"He'll be calling your name soon," Kaminari snarked from her position over Itachi's shoulder.

"Shut up!" Kimiko yelled at her. "You're supposed to be on _my_ side!" Kimiko picked up a large book and flung it at Sasuke. He ducked, and the book hit Ayane in the face.

"Who the hell woke me up?" Ayane roared. Kimiko pointed at Sasuke.

"Wait, what?" Sasuke managed to say before Ayane stood up, smiling sweetly, and walked over to him. "What are you doing?" He asked warily. Ayane's smile widened and she slammed the book in his face. He flew across the room.

"Ninja!" Ayane cheered.

"Every fanfic I read, there's always a truth or dare scene. Our turn!" Kaminari forced Itachi to sit down.

"Yeah!" Ayane eagerly sat down next to the two; Kakashi had no choice but to join them. Rolling her eyes, Kimiko sat down next to Kakashi, and Sasuke eagerly followed suit. They formed a circle. "I'll go first," Ayane volunteered. "I….dare ... you." she shifted her eyes around the room before picking Sasuke "to give your fan girls a strip tease."

"Yeah!" Kimiko cheered, a strange smile on her face. "High five!" The girls slapped their hands together.

Ayane's eyes narrowed, "Damn it." She turned to Kakashi to find that he was once again a giant burrito. "That's Kashi-kun," she murmured frantically, "not a giant burrito. Kashi, not a burrito." She leapt at the silver-haired man, and started to gnaw on his headband. After a while, she came to her senses, and pulled back. She looked at the terrified man in confusion. "How did you get bite marks on your headband?" she tilted her head. "ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?"

"Wow, Ayane, you've reached a new level of idiocy. Cheating on someone implies that you were dating in the first place. Besides, how can he cheat on you when you've glued your hands together?" Kimiko sighed as Sasuke once again wrapped another arm around her waist.

"SHUT UP! You concubine whore!"

"She made you hallucinate," Kaminari quietly put in, knowing that it would lead to disaster. She looked down at the fabric of the cloak, slowly caressing it.

"You WHAT?" The girls charged at each other. Ayane lifted her hand and slapped Kimiko. Kimiko slapped her back. Ayane gasped, flung her hand back and accidently hit Kakashi in the face. He fell backwards, pulling Ayane down with him.

"Ha!" Kimiko cheered, before Ayane tackled her. They fought for a little while longer, until Kimiko snatched a kunai and stabbed Ayane's hand. Unfortunately, she had to stab through Kakashi's hand too.

For once in her life, Ayane stood absolutely still. Her blonde hair turned fiery red, and her forest green eyes also turned red, chakra encasing her body. She growled angrily at Kimiko. "Oh, crap," the golden eyed girl said. "Oh, shit. Oh, God. I'm gonna die." She rushed behind Itachi, saying, "Please help me. I'm too pretty to die!"

Kaminari kicked her away. "No, he won't help you, because if he does, the cloak might get a stain from your blood."

Ayane ran towards Kimiko, fire burning in her wake, dragging Kakashi along. Kimiko stepped out of the way just in time, and Ayane slammed into the wall. "Damn it," she muttered as she slid down the wall.

Kimiko laughed, until Ayane lightly kicked her. The effects were instantaneous. Kimiko stumbled all the way across the room until she fell through a window and into the yard.

"My love!" Sasuke leapt out the window after her.

"Time for bed," Ayane decided, and disappeared off into the house.


	11. Dear God! The Applesauce!

"Okay, I'm not staying in there," Ayane retreated from Sasuke's room. "With all that porn, I don't even want to _think_ about using that bed." She looked expectantly at Itachi, who pointed down a hall. Ayane decided to use the room next to the one he pointed at. "Hey, what's all this blood on the floor? Was someone murdered here or something?"

"Yes, my parents." Itachi told her.

"Oh, yeah!" Ayane exclaimed. "Cause you murdered them!"

Itachi looked at her sharply, "How did you know that?"

"Because I have all knowing powers!" Lightning and thunder flashed in the background.

"What the- never mind. Ayane probably had something to do with it." Kimiko, who was still outside, muttered to herself, while trying to get away from Sasuke.

"Oh fuck it, I don't wanna be in a room where people died. I'll just go into this one," Ayane entered the room that Itachi had pointed at, dragging Kakashi behind her. "Hey, I need a shower," Itachi and Kaminari heard Ayane say cheerfully. "Shower summoning no justu!" There was a loud splash, and water gushed out from the door. "Good enough," Ayane sang.

"I hope she didn't wet my bed," Kaminari nonchalantly started making her way to the door.

Itachi looked down, and noticed that she had the cloak. "How-?" Itachi's eyes narrowed, and he shook his head. His hand flashed out, and he grabbed her shoulder.

"What are you doing?" Kaminari asked, confused.

"You are staying in my sight." Itachi told her firmly.

"What! Living in sin at my age!" Kaminari nearly shrieked. "Next you'll be wanting to do a full body examination in order to make sure that I don't have any weapons!"

An amused smirk almost tilted the side of his lips. "Who said I wasn't?"

Kaminari screamed. "No! I'm on the rag!"

Amusement glittered in his eyes. "You're lying."

"How do you know?"

"I would smell the blood."

"Well that isn't creepy. Sheesh, when I really am on the rag, I'm staying away from you."

"Don't try to pull the conversation elsewhere."

"Elsewhere? Where's elsewhere? And I'm not pulling anything." Kaminari tried to take a few sly steps backwards. Itachi raised an eyebrow. Kaminari whirled and raced towards the room, screaming, "Aya-chan! Save me from him!"

There was a thunk on the wall. "Shut up! We're trying to sleep!" Was the irritable response.

"But I'm going to be molested!" Kaminari grabbed the door handle, struggling to open the locked door.

"That's _your_ problem, now shut up and go to bed!" Ayane shouted.

Kaminari yelped as she felt an arm wrap around her waist as Itachi started to drag her to his room. Only one course of action was to start screaming and flailing wildly.

"Oh, shut up, it can't be that bad. Tall people usually have small dicks, anyways. Kakashi, of course, is the exception."

"Not according to the picture I stole from Sasuke."

"Oh, well, you're screwed then. Excuse the pun."

"Quit struggling," Itachi told the red head.

"I'm too young to bear children! And, besides, isn't it Sasuke's job to bring back the clan!" Kaminari increased her efforts as they neared Itachi's room.

"I'm the oldest."

"So? Kimi-chan is the youngest, and she's the one that has to continue her family!"

Itachi raised his eyebrow again. "Here it's different." He threw her on the bed.

"Oh my, God! Get away from me!" Kaminari fell off the bed, and dragged the covers with her, hiding beneath them. She then proceeded to wriggle under the bed in vain attempt to get away from the fate that lied before her. "I hold no weapons on my person! Whenever I do, Miko-chan _knows_, and she takes them! I promise!"

"Your promises mean nothing to me." Kaminari felt cold hands on her ankles.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!" She screamed. "Let go of me!" Kaminari flailed until she hit her head on something. Then she clutch said body part and groaned as she was dragged from under the bed. "I blame you for the lump on my head."

"It's your own fault."

The teen glared at him, and pointed a finger ominously at him. "My fault? This is all because of _your_ actions!"

Itachi looked out the window. "Get on the bed."

"Uh, I'd rather sleep on the floor. Beds unnecessarily hurt your back, you know. Really, you can have the bed," she smiled at him, and laughed nervously.

"We share."

"Hah, haha, ha, you're funny."

"I don't joke."

Kaminari punched Itachi's shoulder. "That was a good one too!" she slyly made her way to the door.

Ten minutes later…

"This is a bit overkill, don't you think?" Kaminari said.

Itachi looked at her, "Is it?"

Kaminari looked at the chains that tied her to the bed, and the atomic bomb set to detonate should she try to escape, then at the bear traps that littered the floor. "Yeah, I think so."

"You're good at escaping."

"I'm not _that_ good."

"Go to sleep."

Grumble, grumble, "Fine."

Kaminari and Ayane sat up at exactly the same time, and gasped together. "The burritos!" They chanted in unison. "Dear God, the applesauce!"


	12. RAPE!

They leapt out of their beds, Kaminari not even noticing the restrictions placed upon her, and Ayane dragging Kakashi along with her.

They raced along towards the bridge, where they found Kimiko leaning away from Sasuke, who had her trapped against the railing. Kaminari launched herself over said railing, clutching Ayane's hand. Ayane grabbed Kimiko's arm, and Kimiko grabbed Sasuke's hair.

"No!" he shouted. "Do you know how much gel I used to get it like this!" Everyone froze, Ayane's fingers centimeters from brushing the water. Kimiko slowly pulled her hand away from Sasuke's hair. "Wait! I didn't mean that!" Kimiko pushed him away from her, and he fell into the water. Seconds later, everyone else did too.

Kaminari and Ayane swam down nearly a mile, not even noticing that chakra encased their bodies so that they could breathe. Ayane's chakra encased Kakashi, too. _What the hell,_ the man thought, confused, _how is this possible?_

They reached the bottom, and started to walk along the floor. Kakashi blinked, shook his head, and walked with them as they reached the microwave. He tightened his grip on her hand when a shark swam by him, snapping at him.

Kaminari turned to the shark. "Naughty sharky," she scolded, bubbles pouring out of her mouth.

Meanwhile…

"Oh, God," Kimiko murmured from the river bank. "They've killed themselves. And if they haven't, they've killed Kakashi. We're screwed."

Itachi appeared beside her. "Where is she," he stated more than asked.

"Oh," Kimiko waved an airy hand, "Go forward about five feet, and then down a mile."

Itachi looked down into the water. "Never mind. She's coming up." Sure enough, Kaminari surfaced, riding a shark, and Ayane and Kakashi on another shark.

Kaminari turned to face a white Kakashi. "You're gripping his back too hard. The shark says to loosen your grip, or he'll eat you." Kakashi immediately let go of the shark.

"I don't even _want _to know how this is possible," Kimiko shook her head as her friends got to shore.

"That's it! I've had enough of this!" Kakashi suddenly shouted at Ayane. "You're psychotic, and ever since you got here you've been torturing me! You get me nearly killed on an hourly basis, you glued our hands together, and nothing will get rid it! You're crazy!"

Ayane's eyes widened and she took a step back. "But I _love_ you," she whispered.

"No, you're obsessed!"

"Oh," Ayane looked down, and released his hand.

Kakashi's eye widened. "How…"

"Water gets rid of it." Ayane started to cry, before running away.

"It's cause you're gay, isn't it?" Kimiko glared at Kakashi, her gold eyes narrowed dangerously.

Kaminari reached out to Kimiko, who gave her the phone that she had confiscated ages ago. Kimiko hid in Itachi's cloak, and dialed Kakashi's cell phone number.

"Hello?" He spoke into the little silver phone.

"You're going to die in seven days," Kaminari cheerfully told him.

"I know it's you," Kakashi told her humorlessly.

"No you don't." Kaminari quickly closed the cloak so that he couldn't see her. "A horrible, painful death. I will grab a table leg, and shove it so far up your ass that it'll come out your mouth. But you'd like that, wouldn't you?" Kakashi shook his head and walked away. "Yeah, that's right! Walk away! Leave your ass open to table legs! It will happen! IT WILL HAPPEN! You doubt me now, but it will happen!"

"Shut up," Itachi told Kaminari tonelessly.

"But he hurt Aya-chan's feelings!"

"He has to be punished." Kimiko told the older man, her voice just as apathetic. "We are a squad, and thus, one unit."

"You're not even a ninja," Itachi reminded her.

Kaminari looked up anime tears pouring down her cheeks, her head popping up out of the collar to stare at him. "I'm a ninja, aren't I? I got the cloak from you. If I'm not a ninja, what does that make you?"

Ayane flew out of no where and started choking Itachi. She hung from his neck, her feet not reaching the ground. He started to fall backwards, and Kaminari screamed, "Stop!" Everyone froze, and Kaminari pulled a board from whatever void her pockets were. She placed it behind Itachi, protecting the cloak. She crawled into the cloak again, and said, "Okay, let's go."

Itachi fell back the rest of the way, Ayane still choking him, and screaming, "WE ARE TOO NINJA'S! HOW DARE YOU ASSUME WE AREN'T?" Itachi poofed, and turned into a log.

"OH YEAH? WELL I CAN DO THAT TOO!" Ayane roared.

"No!" Kimiko shouted in warning. There was a pause, in which nothing happened. "Thank God," she sighed.

Ayane finished her summoning, and then there was a toothpick sticking out of her hand. "Well, that doesn't look healthy."

"No!" Kimiko shouted, just before Ayane pulled the toothpick out. Blood squirted out of the small wound, and getting everyone. Well, almost everyone. Whenever the blood came near Itachi's cloak, Kaminari's glare made it change course.

"Do you," Kimiko stared at Ayane. "Have _any_ idea how _hard _it is to get blood out of hair?"

"Especially white hair," Kaminari interjected.

"CLOSE YOUR HAND!" Kimiko roared.

A window opened, and a shot gun made an appearance. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU, AND WHY ARE ON MY PROPERTY?" Someone roared.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" the three girls shouted back. The guy cocked his shot gun.

"Are you threatening the cloak?" Kaminari's voice was deadly. "Do you have any idea how big of a mess that would make!"

Ayane walked towards the window, grabbed the shot gun, and bent the barrel. She then returned to her friends, saying, "Now what are ya gonna do?"

"Cause we're ninja, bitches," Kaminari smiled. Then she noticed that Ayane had her hand suspended in air. "What are you doing?"

Ayane looked at the hand in surprise. "Oh. Kakashi… left me." Her hand sadly dropped down. She sadly. "I'm going home."

Kimiko looked at Kaminari, "Plan," she started.

"Icha Icha." Kaminari finished. They nodded, and as they returned to the Uchiha Compound, they fine tuned the plan. When they got there, Kaminari turned to Itachi. "Can I have my own bed?" she asked hopefully.

"After the stunt you pulled?" Itachi sent her a do-you-think-I'm-that-stupid look.

"Stunt? What stunt?" Kaminari tilted her head. He shook his head, and grabbed her wrist, and pulled out a pair of handcuffs. "What are those for?" the girl asked warily. Itachi didn't answer, instead handcuffing their hands together. "Hey!" Itachi pulled her off to the bedroom.

Kimiko smirked. "Huh. Well, I guess he wants to make sure that _everyone_ knows who wears the pants in _that_ relationship."

"Don't you mean the cloak?" Ayane asked, before remembering that she was sad.

"Oh, cheer up, Aya-chan," Kimiko tried to comfort her friend.

"Yeah, now I have time to stalk Kaka- awh. Now I can force Ka- awh. I can- awh. She shook her head, and walked sadly to her room.

A few hours later, Kimiko rolled over in her bed, and bumped into something. "What the fuck?"

Ayane's face shone with tears. "I'm so lonely!"

"Get out!" Kimiko screamed, falling out of the bed. She leapt up, just as the door flung open.

Sasuke raced into the room, yelling, "I'll kill you!" He shoved a kunai in Ayane's face.

"Get the fuck out of my face!" Ayane back handed the teen across the room.

"No." Itachi's voice rang clearly through the wall.

Ayane swiveled her head around to face the wall where the voice came from. "Shut up! I wasn't talking to you!"

"Stop moving around." Itachi commanded.

"But I waaaaant iiiit!" Kaminari's voice answered before Ayane could. Ayane looked at the wall, a strange expression on her face.

"Are they doing what I think they're doing?" she asked.

There was a _thunk_. "Get off of me!" Kaminari yelped.

"You started this," Itachi replied.

"But you're _heavy_!"

There was another _thunk_, and then some rattling, which Ayane took to mean the bed.

"Oh, that's it, he's going down," Ayane kicked through the wall, and kicked Itachi in the head, "You get off her, you pervert!" Then she stopped to take in the situation. Kaminari was handcuffed together. Totally ignoring the fact that Itachi was clutching the bed, while Kaminari was reaching towards the cloak, which was folded on a chair, she rushed over, and broke the handcuffs in half. She roared. For this moment, she was stronger than Tsunade. Kaminari raced towards the cloak, screaming, "Victory is mine!"

"Don't you ever touch Nari-chan again, you pedophiliac rapist!" Ayane screamed.


	13. KiKi!

Ten Minutes Later…

"What? I thought he was raping her!" Ayane exclaimed defensively as Kimiko stared at her. Kimiko shook her head, and glanced at the ropes binding her friend, and then at the now boarded up wall.

She sighed, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. It fell back across her nose, and she abruptly stood up, walked across the room, snatching a hair tie when she reached the vanity. Tugging her hair back into a pony tail, she looked once again at Ayane, and then at the door, signifying that it was time for the blonde to leave.

"Well, I can see when I'm unwanted," Ayane snapped, and stood. The ropes around her fell to the ground, causing Kimiko's eyes to widen fractionally. The white haired girl sat back down on her bed, before getting tackled by something red.

"SAVE ME!" Kaminari pulled herself into her Kimiko's arms. Kimiko looked at the wall, only to see that instead of a wall, it was a door, which was opened. Itachi was standing in the doorway, his eye twitching. "That doesn't look healthy," Kaminari informed him.

Kimiko suddenly leapt to her feet, dumping Kaminari on the floor. "That's it!" she screamed. "Get out, Ayane! And you," she flung a finger towards Itachi, "control your woman!"

"I'm not his woman," Kaminari stomped her foot.

"Yet," Itachi intoned from behind her.

Kaminari looked at him. "What?" Silence was her answer. She turned back to Kimiko. "Hey, Miko-chan, do you want to have a slumber party?"

"Slumber party?" Ayane perked up.

Kimiko walked stiffly out of the room, and down the hall, opening another door. Sasuke looked up from the book he was reading, eyes widening as he realized who it was. "Can I help you?" he asked uncertainly.

"Move, over." Kimiko crawled into the empty space of his bed, pressing herself against the wall.

"Um, okay…"

FIVE MINUTES LATER…

"Don't touch me." Kimiko left the room, much to Sasuke's distaste. She walked down the hall, and just as she reached Ayane's room, she heard the other girl say, "Hey, it vibrates!" A few seconds later, however, "OH GOD! Oh, God, Kaminari, what did you do to this thing?"

Kaminari's sleepy voice reached through the wall. "I didn't do anything, it was Sasuke's."

"NO!" Sasuke yelped, rushing out of his room and into Ayane's. "Kiki!" He cried when he saw Ayane flinging a flaming stuffed bear against the wall.

"Ki…Ki?" Ayane stopped her movements momentarily in her shock. She resumed the act of destroying the stuffed bear. Then she kicked Kiki across the room, still flaming.

Sasuke snatched a fire extinguisher, and set it on Kiki. "Kiki! My teddy bear! I mean, my manly companion. My very manly, manly companion!"

The bear started to crawl across the floor, its words slurring, "I'm not done with you yet."

Ayane screamed, "Make it go away!"

Kaminari stomped into the room, grabbed the demonic bear, and flung it out the window. They heard it hit a pedestrian, and then. "Ow. What the…? AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"That is how you get rid of the rape bear." Kaminari told the small group firmly, before going back to bed.

Kimiko frowned slightly, saying, "Didn't Itachi make a million traps to keep you in the room?"

Cutscene to Kaminari: Shadows covered her face, but they didn't hide the wicked smile.

Back to Kimiko and company: Kimiko shook her head. "Whatever. Hey, isn't that Kabuto?" She looked out the window at the still screaming pedestrian. Next to Kabuto, Orochimaru was looking thoughtfully at the bear. "What an excellent p1212234556789-09876543=-09876543256487m8lr57889o48die playtoy." (Melody. I told you to stop commandeering the keyboard!)

They all went to bed for many, many, many hours.


	14. Shogi

Kimiko stumbled into the kitchen and sat at the table, folding her arms. When she faced the rest of the kitchen, she nearly lost her composure at the sight that beheld her. Sasuke stood, in all his glory, in a girly, pink apron cooking breakfast. Kimiko stared, Sasuke stared. Kimiko shook her head and looked away. "I can explain." Sasuke nervously told her.

"I don't want to hear it. Your excuses mean nothing to me." Kimiko deadpanned as Kaminari walked into the kitchen, munching on a stick of pocky, the cloak wrapped around her.

Kaminari froze. "I didn't know Itachi had a little sister."

"I'm a boy!" Sasuke shouted.

Itachi entered the room. "Is that Mother's apron?"

"She left it to me! After you killed her!" Sasuke waved a wooden spoon around threateningly.

Itachi got sad eyes. "I see." He turned around and left the room.

"Could you be any ruder?" Kimiko murmured, her voice muffled since her face was in her arms.

Ayane smacked Sasuke upside the head. "Hey! You could have shared!"

"Is it because of the cloak?" Kaminari toddled after Itachi. A few seconds later, the group in the kitchen heard her scream, "You can have the cloak if you smile!"

"You're on the side of an S-class criminal?" Sasuke asked slowly.

"Well, yeah, considering that we know what really happened." Kimiko pointed, taking the bowl of cereal that Sasuke offered. "Ew. Oatmeal." She left the kitchen.

"You're a failure at life," Ayane followed after Kimiko. "Now what am I going to do?" she asked as she paced the halls. "I know! I can get Shikamaru to teach me shogi! Now how the hell do I get out of here?" She wandered around the complex and ended up in the ventilation unit. Somehow. Don't question her ways. "Walking around, in the ventilation unit, la la la la la la lala!" she sang cheerfully. She crashed into Kaminari, who was cloakless. "Why don't you have the cloak?"

"I gave it to Tachi-kun so that he wouldn't be sad anymore." They stared at each a little longer, before bursting out simultaneously, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm getting the cloak back."

"I'm trying to find the exit." There was a rumble, and then they fell through the ceiling. "Hey look, there's Itachi! Where's the exit?" Itachi slowly pointed to a door right in front of Ayane. "Thanks!" the blonde cheered. She wandered off to find Shikamaru. She didn't have to look for long; she checked the first hill and found him staring at the clouds.

He looked at her, "How troublesome. I'd tell you to go away, but you'd ignore me. Just like the troublesome girl you are. God, I hate women."

"I'll go away if you teach me how to play shogi." Ayane walked over to stand by his head.

"Are you serious? I'm not even going to try. You won't even be a challenge." He closed his eyes.

"But I brought a board," Ayane pulled a shogi board from her pocket.

Shikamaru opened his eyes. "Troublesome." He sat up, and they began to play. "No, you moron. That one does not go over your nose. Ugh, I can just tell that this is going to be troublesome."

Meanwhile, Kaminari was happily skipping through town, the cloak wrapped tightly around her. As she wandered up a hill, she saw Ayane and Shikamaru playing shogi. When she reached them, she heard Shikamaru say, "What? How did you win?"

"It's simple!" Kaminari nodded and pulled out several different blue prints. She and Ayane started pointing at various spots on them and explaining the plan. "You take this point, and this point," Ayane interrupted, "and ketchup to the fth power," "Don't forget pickle to the potato salad on peanut butter bread, floating on a raft in the ocean, talking to a volleyball named Wilson." Kaminari finished.

Kimiko walked by, paused, and stared at the papers. "Are those the blue prints for my closet?"

"No, these are the plans for the tree house! And if you turn them upside down, they're shogi tactics!" Ayane informed her.

"Tree house? Why would I want a tree house? It's a closet."

"Gotta go," Kaminari grabbed Ayane's hair before the blonde girl could commit suicide. Every one knew not to mess with Kimiko's shopping/hair/clothes obsession. Ayane dropped the plans as Kaminari dragged her away.

Kimiko looked down at the blue prints, and her eyes started twitching almost imperceptibly. "Kaminari. Ayane. You're dead." The blue prints showed an intricate closet design, with a crudely draw tree with something that looked like a dead mouse. Kimiko, however, had seen enough of her friends' drawings to know that it was a bird. And on the corner of the page was, Ayane was here!

Itachi appeared, and Kimiko silently pointed in the direction her "friends" had run off to. Itachi followed the two girls, while Kimiko sat down next to Shikamaru, and started planning. She ignored his muttering as he tried to figure out the secret of the "shogi plans."

SLAM! OOF! Kaminari slammed face first into a body. She looked up, and her eyes narrowed. "You," she hissed.


	15. Zombie!

"**Oh, it's you," Kakashi reached for his Icha Icha. He didn't find it, so he started to get worried.**

**Kaminari smiled angelically. "Looking for this?" She held up the book innocently, before tucking it into her shirt. **

"**Give it back, or else," he got an evil glint in his eye.**

**Kaminari's smile widened. "Come and get it." She spread her arms wide open. "I'm not stopping you." Kakashi glanced around at the people. **

"**I'm underage," Kaminari reminded him, smirking. "And I have a pair of lungs." **

**Kakashi narrowed his eye at her, trying the tactic of intimidation.**

"**That was pitiful. Do you know who I just spent the night with? You've got nothing on Itachi." But then she sighed, and handed him the book. "Whatever, I need to get going before Itachi finds me." **

**Itachi appeared. "You."**

"**Got to go," Kaminari turned on her heel, and quickly left the vicinity.**

**Kakashi opened his book, smiling, before he noticed… flip, flip, flip, Flip, he should have known that she wasn't going to give it back without consequences. On every page was a picture of Ayane, nude, in provocative poses. He fell to his knees, staring at his beloved Icha Icha in horror, anime tears pouring down his cheeks. He stood up, "Must… get… Icha Icha." He stumbled towards a store, only to stop dead when he saw a picture. It was Ayane. "!"**

**Ayane, who was a few streets over, looked up, confused. She decided to go see what was wrong, just for the hell of it. When she reached the street, she didn't see anything wrong, but she did see her picture. "I wish I had her body," she sighed. "Maybe then Kashi-kun would love me." She continued on her way.**

**Back to Kakashi: he turned around, and noticed an Icha Icha float. "Can it be?" He asked, awed. Then he noticed that all of the people were dressed as Ayane. "Alright! I give in! I'll beg for forgiveness!" Everything stopped and disappeared. "A genjutsu?" He was shocked. The only person he knew that could make a genjutsu of that level that could fool the sharingan was Itachi. He didn't notice Kimiko smirking in the background. Kaminari's plans aren't that bad, a hint of smugness entered the girl's thoughts.**

**Kakashi glanced around, then muttered. "If it was a genjutsu, my promise holds no value." His book burst into flames from Kimiko's glare. "I make a vow right now!" He screamed. "I'm going to find her right now!" Then he noticed Kimiko sitting on a bench in the shade of a tree, pulling the long white gloves she had aquired so that she could refrain from making everyone hallucinating. She waved his little two fingered wave at him. His eyes narrowed. She smirked, and looked at a telephone pole. He followed her line of sight, and saw a picture of Ayane. "Alright!" He shouted at her. "I'm going right now!" He left in a whirl of leaves, making civilians wonder if he was still sane. lalalala GOD DAMN IT, MELODY! DON'T TOUCH THE KEYBOARD! Um, Tera, I'm across the room… OH,GOD, IT'S THE OUIJA BOARD! ENOUGH! ON WITH THE STORY: lolie pop.**

**Kakashi flashed through several streets, before catching sight of Ayane's long blonde hair. "You!" He screamed. She started to run.**

**Ayane was cheerfully walking down a street when she saw Itachi chasing after Kaminari. I should probably help her, Ayane thought, before starting to run after them. She distantly heard someone scream, "You!" but passed it off as having nothing to do with her. **

**Kimiko followed after Kakashi to make sure that he didn't try to back down from his promise. **

**Sasuke left the ninja supply store, and noticed Kimiko running past him. "Wonder what she's up to?" He decided to follow. **

**Kaminari saw Sasuke chasing Kimiko, and decided to help her friend get rid the pest. "I'm coming, Kimiko!" They ran in circles around Konoha for about twenty minutes.**

**Sasuke launched himself at Kimiko, tackling her to the ground. "Dog pile!" Kaminari screamed, jumping on his back. **

**Itachi stopped next to the pile. "What… is a dog pile?"**

"**Well," Kaminari's hand flashed out and she tugged him down. "It's where everyone tackles each other!" Itachi ungracefully fell down on top of the teenage girl. "See?" **

"**I… do not find this disagreeable."**

**Everyone ignored the small voice from the bottom. "Well I sure as hell do!"**

**Ayane fell on the pile. "Now I do," Itachi muttered.**

**Kakashi stumbled onto the pile, "Take me back!" **

"**That's IT!" Everyone flew backwards; Itachi and Kakashi accidently brushed Kimiko's palms.**

"**Miko-chan's yelling! That's not good!" Other than Kaminari, everyone else was watching Itachi and Kakashi waltz.**

**Kimiko continued to scream profanities at everyone. "!$%! Q%$%$$%$5! DAMN YOU ALL!"**

"**Miko-chan?" Kaminari asked timidly.**

"**WHAT?" **

"**I thought Michael Jackson was dead."**

"**What the hell kind of question is that?" Kimiko was sufficiently calmed down.**

"**Well, he's standing over there quite well." Kaminari pointed to Orochimaru.**

"**OH MY GOD! IT'S A ZOMBIE MICHAEL JACKSON! It's Thriller!" **

**In the background, Itachi and Kakashi started singing Thriller, and doing the dance.**

**Orochimaru pointed at the three girls. "I want to find out what they see in you."**

"**OH MY GOD! It's the rape bear!" Ayane screamed.**

"**Kiki!" Sasuke shouted.**

**Orochimaru stared at them for a few seconds, shook his head, and continued. "I want your bodies."**

"**Die!" Ayane shrieked, racing over to the bear, and punting him. He flew off into the distance. Orochimaru bear-hugged Ayane before she could do anything else. "Let me go!" she shouted.**

**Kimiko sighed. "Fantastic. I should have stayed in bed today." She saw Kaminari forming hand signs. "Kaminari, no!"**

"**I'll save you, Aya-chan! Kawarimi no jutsu!" She blinked, and looked around. "Damn it." She had switched places with Ayane.**

**The hallucination was wearing off of Itachi and Kakashi, and they looked around, a little confused. Kabuto appeared, and threw a kunai at Kakashi.**

**Kimiko tried to stop it, but it sliced her hand on its way by. She looked down at the wound. "Ow," she said mildly.**

**Ayane jumped to protect Kakashi. "Noooooooooooooooooot theeeeeeeeeeeee !" She shouted in slow motion.**

**The kunai stabbed her in the arm. Time stopped. She glared at Kimiko. "I hate you." She fell to the ground in a pitiful heap.**

"**Ayane!" Kakashi rushed to her side. **

"**This is a reversal of roles. You're supposed to save her, not the other way around. You fail at being a boyfriend." Kimiko deadpanned.**

"**Ayane! Are you alright?" Kaminari shouted in a passing comment.**

**Kimiko raised an eyebrow, "does it look like she's alright?"**

"**She's got Kakashi next to her," she glared at Orochimaru, slight panic entering her voice. "That better be a snake," she warned him.**

"**Yes, it's my favorite snake. I'll introduce you to him later," Orochimaru smirked.**

"… **TACHI!" Kaminari screamed. "SAVE ME!"**

**Kimiko shook her head, and started to walk away. She stepped into a trap, and was suddenly hanging upside down. Her skirt fell, revealing purple panties with white frills, and a white bow.**

"**I knew it!" Kaminari shrieked, "I knew you were wearing pretty purple panties!" **

"**It was the only pair Sasuke- wait a minute…" Kimiko glared at the youngest Uchiha.**

"**Iron supplements cure AIDS!" Kaminari shouted suddenly.**

"…**What!" Ayane looked confused.**

"**You mean anemia?" Kimiko sighed.**

"…**Yeah" Kaminari muttered.**


	16. Twilight

Kaminari and Kimiko snapped awake. Ayane, on the other hand, was still unconscious. "Oh God! We have to suck the poison out!" Kaminari glared at Kimiko. "You venomous bitch! You poisoned her with that toxic blood of yours!"

Kimiko started at the veins in her writst. "Way to be."

"This is not a way to be cool!" Kaminari lifted Ayane's arm to her mouth and started to suck. She looked up at the door when it opened, blood dripping down her chin. Kabuto stood in the open doorway, a tray of food in his hands, and a shocked expression makins his eyes nearly popping out. He backed slowly away, and left the prison room.

He rushed to Orochimaru's throne room thingy, and slammed the book Twilight onto the table next to the snake sannin. _Oh God, not again, _Orochimaru groaned silently to himself.

"I told you vampires were real! And you didn't evieve me!" Kabuto shrieked.

Orochimaru stared blanklyy at Kabuto. "Insolent fool."

"No! I'm serious! Come look! Kabuto grabbed Orochimaru's hand and dragged him tot he prison room. They opened the door to find Kimiko struggling to get Kaminari away from Ayane. _They're fighting over who gets to finish her off!_ Kabuto thought fearfully.

"They're fighting over who gets to finish her off, aren't they?" Orochimaru asked his slave.

"I told you! They're vampires!"

Kimiko and Kaminari looked up, "What?"

"For once you are right, slave." Orochimaru left to begin his plans to dominate the vampire population.

Ayane's eyes snapped open, and she glomped her two friends. "Oh my God! I'm so glad you guys are okay!" She exclaimed.

Kaminari stared at her. "But Miko-chan was the one who poisoned you..."

Kimiko glared at Kaminari as Ayane looked confused, "What? What are you talking about?"

"You don't remember? Kimi-" Kaminari was knocked to the ground as Kimiko stepped in front of her.

"You saved Kakashi. He is eternally grateful." Kimiko dispassionately informed Ayane.

Stars entered the blonde's eyes. "He is/" She began bouncing off the walls.

Ayane bounced around the walls for a bit, before a lound **TOING** suddenly sounded. "I found the ventilation system!" Ayane cheerfully called. "You'd think he'd be smart enough to leave these out." The girls entered the ventilation shaft, and crawled through it for five hours.

Eventually they heard someone talking. They loooked down, and saw...ISADORE!

"How the hell did you get here?" Kimiko asked bladly.

Isadore looked up, "How did you end up here?"

"Oh, we're looking for the exit," Ayane informed him happily.

"...That's not what I ment, but okay,"Isadore quickly accepted the answer.

"Wait...how'd you get here?" Ayane demanded.

"I just asked that," Kimiko muttered.

"I put a sushi burrito in the microwave at approximately 11:59 PM, and suddenly I was dragged into it. And thus, I ended up here."

"You know, that sounds really familiar..." Ayane murmured. Kimiko stared blankly at her.

"I think it might have been a movie," Kaminari wondered out loud.

"That's it! It was a movie!" Ayane shrieked.

Kimiko sighed, and lightly face palmed.

"See ya later!" Ayane called, and carried on her way.

"WAIT!" Isadore shouted. "Can you get me some sushi on your way?"

Kaminari pushed her face through the little hole, "Okay!"

"Get it your damn self." Kimiko deadpanned, pulling Kaminari after her.

"I would love to, unfortunately, I'm trapped here."

"What do you mean you're trapped? What are you, a quadriplegic?" Ayane reached down, and grabbed his hair.

"Not the hair! I just straightened it!

LIES!

Ayane pulled his hair anyways, only for it to come off, and reveal that Isadore was actually bald.

"What-" Kaminari started

"The-" Ayane yelped.

"Fuck." Kimiko finished.

"Shut up!" Isadore shouted. "Some things happeded when I went through my microwave!"

Kaminari snorted, "your microwave sucks." Kimiko's hand instantly went to her hair, making sure that the silky tresses were real.

They managed to get Isadore into the ventilation shaft (his scalp bleeding all over the place) and continued on their less-than-merry way.

Ayane suddenly sniffed, "Is that..." she inhaled deeply once more. "It is!" Ayane rolled around a corner.

"Hey, wait!" the other's called after her. they also turned the corner, only to be met with the ventilation splitting into three.

"Everyone says to go right in a maze." Kimiko started down the right tunnel, which was bright, clean cut and looked brand new.

"Well, the left feels left out," Kaminari stated, and headed off down the dark, dank, cobwebby, cracked and dusty tunnel.

"Wait! Where am I supposed to go!" Isadore shouted. "Guys? Ah, forget it. I'm going to find my sushi burrito." He went down the middle tunnel.


	17. Ventilation Shaft

Isadore searched for his sushi burrito. "It's gotta be around here somewhere!"

"Who," a voice below him asked, "are you?"

Isadore looked down, "Sushi burrito? Nope, you're just the esquiver (ducktails in French) burrito."

Sasuke glared up at him, "I can understand you."

"You can? Really? Cause I always thought that you were the dumb one. I mean, seriously. You left to join Orochimaru, the known pedophile, for power. And where did Orochimaru get his power? Konoha. Do you see the flaws in your plan, now?" Isadore yelped as the ventilation shaft suddenly broke, dropping him to the floor.

"Shut up," Sasuke snapped. "I will defeat Itachi!"

"…Itachi… that's the annoying blonde chick, right?" Sasuke glared, and began the handsigns for Chidori. "Oh, God!" Isadore screamed, and jumped back into the ventilation shaft. He quickly started crawling, army style. He heard a loud thunk behind him. Sasuke was running after him, Chidori in hand. Isadore screamed each time he was barely missed, electrocution sure to follow. "I'm sorry!"

**BANG!**

"AAAHHH! I'm sorry!"

**BANG!**

"AAAAHHHH! I'm SORRY!"

**BAAAAAAANNNNNNGGGGGGG**!

"I don't know what I did, but I'M SORRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"I don't want your apologies, I want you dead." Sasuke snarled out to the ignorant Isadore.

"Be dead, you said? Playing Possum Jutsu!" Isadore keeled over, sticking his tongue out in a pale imitation of death.

"DIE!" Sasuke thrust the Chidori at him, and Isadore rolled quickly, causing Sasuke to hit the bottom of the ventilation shaft. Electricity flooded through the metal, electrocuting everyone who was touching the metal. The shaft broke (yet again), causing everyone to fall out of it and into Orochimaru's throne room."I would think that you would be smart enough not to have a ventilation system." Isadore said as he stared up into Orochimaru's glowing golden eyes.

MEANWHILE! Back at the farm… ventilation the nice, clean, shaft, Kimiko was getting annoyed by the spider and his web in front of her. She glared at the web, and then at her hair. Isadore's voice suddenly rang out, "Oh God! I'm sorry!"

Kimiko rolled her eyes, "Moron."

**Bang! **

"AAAHHH! I'm sorry!"

**BANG!**

"AAAAHHHH! I'm SORRY!"

**BAAAAAAANNNNNNGGGGGGG**!

"I don't know what I did, but I'M SORRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" There was an odd noise, almost as if a bunch of birds were chittering. Kimiko noticed that the spider and it's web were now burned to a crisp.

She smirked, "Haha." Then her eyes went wide, and she lifted a shaking hand to her hair. "It's… frizzy… ! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" She punched through the walls of the ventilation shaft that separated her from Isadore and his attacker. Golden eyes burned with fury just before she jumped through the same hole that Isadore had fallen through. She stared at Orochimaru. "You're stupider than you look. What evil genius would have a ventilation shaft in his secret lair?"

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE FARM… VENTILATION SHAFT:

Ayane, following her keen sense of smell, was able to track the burrito to it's source. Stopping at an opening, she looked below her and saw that Kabuto was about to take a bite out of the delicious polar bear and bean burrito. She constructed a burrito stealing machine out of dental floss, gum, and a paper clip. Quickly, she threw a small pebble at the door as a distraction, causing Kabuto to put the burrito down to investigate. Ayane carefully poked the hooked the hook into the burrito, and slowly started to raise it. A voice caused her to jerk in surprise, and made her drop the burrito. "Oh, God! I'm sorry!"

**Bang!**

"AAAAHHH! I'm sorry!"

**BANG!**

"AAAAHHHH! I'm SORRY!"

**BAAAAAAANNNNNNGGGGGGG!**

"I don't know what I did, but I'M SORRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

Growling slightly, Ayane got a hold of the burrito again, before she heard Kimiko's shriek of impending doom. "! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" Ayane's eyes widened and she pulled the burrito up as quickly as she could, but alas, she was unable to keep a hold of it when the shockwaves of Kimiko's punches jerked her. The burrito fell to the floor. Ayane swore, and was about to try yet again when Kabuto returned.

"Why is my burrito on the floor?" He asked, confused. He shrugged, and picked it up, eating it happily.

"I HATE YOU ALL WITH THE BURNING PASSION OF A THOUSAND SUNS!11!1" Ayane roared, before crawling away at a furious pace, until she discovered a woman-made hole in the wall. "Aha!" She dove through it, only to fall through the chidori hole. "I probably should have thought that through." She looked up into Orochimaru's angry face. "You know, for an evil villain, you're not very smart. You should have gotten rid of the ventilation system a long time ago."

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE FARM… VENTILATION SHAFT:

"Oh! They're pretty and sharp!" Kaminari had stumbled across the ventilation fan after crawling through an increasingly smaller ventilation shaft. She was now at the point where she had to wriggle to get forward. The vacuum of the fan started pulling her quickly forward.

"This can't be good," Kaminari muttered, before she shot through the fan. She was just able miss the blades. She distantly heard screams, such as:

"Oh, God! I'm sorry!"

**Bang!**

"AAAAHHH! I'm sorry!"

along with "! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!"

and: "I HATE YOU ALL WITH THE BURNING PASSION OF A THOUSAND SUNS!11!1"

"Hmmm. This sounds suspicious. Come, dear Watson, we shall investigate!" Kaminari pulled out a Sherlock Holmes hat, and gestured to the big spider behind her.

The spider sighed, "for the fifth time, my name is Bob!"

Kaminari took one step forward, only to be prevented passage by a Kimiko on a Warpath. The other punched through both walls on either side of Kaminari, and disappeared through a hole in the floor. Ayane fled after Kimiko, and fell down.

"Hmmm. Once could be a coincidence, but twice?" Kaminari crawled through Kimiko's punch hole, and promptly got her pant leg caught on the edge, and started to swirl slowly. Kaminari glared at the metal contraption, "Damn you." Her gaze turned to Orochimaru, "I'd thought you would have been smart enough to not have a ventilation shaft."

MEANWHILE, IN KABUTO'S KITCHEN!

I was innocently about to eat my polar bear and bean burrito, when a most peculiar noise hit my ears. I turned to the door, as that was where the noise had come from, and opened the door. No one was there, besides a lone pebble sitting in the hallway.

"God, we really need to get rid of these rats," I shook my head. Suddenly, I heard the sound of the Chidori, coming from the ventilation shaft. "Experiment !" I hurried back into my kitchen, intent on eating my burrito, only to find that it was on the floor. "Oh well," I shrugged, and picked it up to eat it. A series of crashes made me tilt my head. "Maybe I should tell Lord Orochimaru about that…"

Suddenly, I heard a faint voice shriek, "I HATE YOU ALL WITH THE PASSION OF A THOUSAND BURNING SUNS!11!1"

"Yeah, I should really tell Orochimaru about this." I walked down the hallway, and entered Orochimaru's throne room. "My Lord, I really think we should get rid of the venti—Oh." I took in the sight of the four prisoner vampires, and ;u' sab[n[hhy8hpvgdpt 9cd9rijsadj4epo.

MEANWHILE, BACK IN OROCHIMARU'S THRONE ROOM/RAPE/PEDIPHILE CAVE

Orochimaru sat in his throne, slightly drooling over the imagined image of Sasuke's pale chest, glistening with sweat after a heavy workout, Sasuke sat slowly onto his lap pulling him into a passionate make out. Orochimaru slowly trailed a hand down his own body, putting his hand down his pants grabbing onto his—One of the prisoners fell from the ceiling, Sasuke not far behind him.

"I would think that you would be smart enough not to have a ventilation system," the prisoner looked skeptically at then a second later, the vampire girl with the white and black hair fell to a heap on the floor. "You're stupider than you look. What evil genius would have a ventilation shaft in his secret lair?" the girl , the blonde fell through, "You know, for an evil villain, you're not very smart. You should have gotten rid of the ventilation system a long time ago."

Finally, the red head and a giant spider fell. The red head got caught on a jagged edge made by the hole while the spider continued to fall, landing on the white and black haired girl's head.

The red head spoke, "I'd thought you would have been smart enough to not have a ventilation shaft."

Kabuto walked into the room as he began to speak, "My Lord, I really think we should get rid of the venti—Oh."

Orochimaru let out a frustrated scream as Ayane stared wide eyed at Kimiko. "Don't. Move."


End file.
